Pain

I hurt the worst
When I know I gave too much
I lay in agony
Thinking I never do enough
I worry about my heart
Even if it keeps on breaking
I fall in love
Way too easy
And I stay too long
When it starts to feel so bad
I'm addicted to pain
And its bitter taste
I love to feel the hurt
Even when its way too much

Where Do We Go

Where do you go when life is failing
When you heart is breaking
When your soul is shaking
Where do you go when you can't breath
When you can no longer see
When you cant feel a thing
Where do you go when you can't believe
Your life is centered
Around a dream
That you'll never achieve
You'll never see to be real
When you feel your heart shatter
Your face lose all feeling
And you cant
Seem
To move

Asshole cock sucker mother fucker.

My boyfriend was a royal DICK yesterday. I was sick,sick as hell. For you to understand how sick,I have to tell you the symptoms. I was cramping horribly,I kept feeling like I had to throw up and eventually did,if I stood up I could barely walk. I was going to pass out and eventually did. Jake woke me up and I felt better. But the entire time I was like that,what did he do? Annoy the piss out of me to take him to air up a god damn tire. A TIRE. I was laying there,in the worst pain imaginable and not able to move an inch without getting even more fucked up,and he wants me to drive him to air up a fucking TIRE. And not a car tire,a BICYCLE TIRE. I'm not perfect,but that's straight up bullshit. BULL FUCKING SHIT.

Heh,yeah.

Like everyone I know is getting pregnant,married or both. I don't want a baby,nor do I want to be married within the next 3-4 years. But for some reason I like the idea of knowing that maybe Jake would want to marry me. Not now,but one day. And not want to because I want him to. But because HE wants ME to be HIS wife. I'd like to know he wants me to be Mrs. Jake McKinney one day. But I know how he feels on marriage. To him,it's bullshit. But to me it's really not. BUT HEY. I can't get everything.

Afterlife?

I'm not a Christian,nor do I truly believe that I'll go anywhere once I die. I think I'll just be dead. There's nothing after death but being gone. But sometimes,sometimes I just like to imagine that when I do die,I live in a permanent dream that is exactly what I wanted life to be. My dream for my after life,would be this. I would die and wake up,16 years old. I'd walk outside and get into my car. I'd drive for half an hour or more to Jake's house. Once I got there,I wouldn't have to knock,or anything. He'd walk right out and straight to me. The whole time he'd be walking towards me,we'd both be smiling. As soon as he was close enough,he'd grab me and pull me close. He'd kiss me with all the love in the world and we'd both still be smiling. And once we pulled back out of the kiss,he'd tell me he loves me and we'd just walk off holding each other. I'd dream every day we'd be together,we'd be there together loving each other and knowing our lives were perfect. We'd be living that beautiful,peaceful existence together,in love. That's what I'd like for my afterlife to be like.