Dec 3, 2010

I really and truly think Jake is trying to purposefully piss me off and start fights. He is constantly texting all kinds of girls and just giving me the shittiest treatment I have ever gotten before. It's just pathetic anymore. I mean,do I sit there and text half my exes while telling him I love him? Or PUBLICLY flirt with them on Facebook while we fucking fight? Is that so damn necessary? I've sat back and let him do this shit for so long,I'm tired of it. I can never leave a person or tell them what's what,but this time...I am not afraid to leave. I held it off too long last time but no more.

Fighting.

Well,as usual Jake and I are fighting. Excessively. It's getting to a horrible point,like I don't even think we're going to stay together very long. It's hurting me more than I ever imagined it could. I honestly thought after what I went through with Skyelar,I'd never be able to let myself be hurt so bad. But hey guys,look guys,I'M FUCKING DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I don't know what to do anymore...

Tomorrow will be the end.

Tomorrow is October 26th, 2010. This day was supposed to be one of the best I ever lived. It was going to be the one year anniversary of myself and Skyelar being together, but that is not the case now. Tomorrow will hurt, no matter how long ago we ended. He was the first guy I ever truly loved and the first guy I ever let myself fall into such a deep love with. No matter what I or anyone else says,I know I loved him and I know I was in love with him. He held with him a piece of me only he could have and still he has it. It's the piece of me I was going to give to "the one". I regret giving him it in many ways but in others,I don't. I know no matter what happens I will always love him,not the way I did but in a way that will always be special. He held my heart first and he still has a place in my heart now. We're hateful towards each other and I say such terrible things about him,but no matter how bad it seems only you readers will know the truth. I'm in another relationship and I'm very happy about this,it's my first step towards closure,along with this. I'm going to make this my last mention of Skyelar until the day we final move on and can be at least friends. Right now,it would give me joy to just see him and smile,knowing I have a friend in him again. But I know that may be a long time before that happens,I still have healing to do and he does too,whether he admits it or not. We had a rough ending and it cut me deep,and I know it affected him just as badly. But I want him to know,whether it be now or later on,I love him still,not as I did,but in a way only I would know. And I wish to still be friends,and I am willing to wait for this to happen.

Retardation in WORDS.

How does it feel to see that smile?
Not for you,
But another guy.
How does it feel,
To see those eyes,
Staring at him,
With trust and no lies?
How bad does it hurt,
To see her stand?
Proud and hopeful,
With another man.
How does it fucking feel?
How sir,does it fucking feel?
To know you let go of your forever,
And gave it to another.
One more deserving,
One who can love her,
Like you never did.
One who can show her,
What you never could.
You don't know what you had,
Until it's gone.
You know this now,
As you watch her life fly,
Farther and farther away.

Face Humanity.

I never fall apart,
I never had a heart.
Feelings can go,
Since I'll never know.
I cannot see past today,
So I don't have much to say.
I live a life alone,
Everything is so unknown.
I can't quite feel it,
But I'll know when it has hit.
Life is falling down,
Inside this musty old town.

It's all over.

So the worst day of my life began last night around 9:30. The best thing that ever happened to me left me, nothing but "I love you with all of my heart, but I can't do this anymore." I don't know how to feel other than hurt beyond belief. This boy was my world, he was my little otter. Everything I learned to love about life was because of him. I had to go today and watch him not worry or care. And I don't know how to feel. I'm so lost...so alone...so confused. I want to believe it isn't over,but more so I want him back. I love him so much it hurts to imagine him gone. He was everything I wanted in life, my good morning and my good night. I never felt so close to anyone as I did him. I'm in love with him,still. I always will be. I had the best thing ever and he left...he let me go. And what hurts...more than anything...is that he still loves me.

Notes.

I hate the human population.
:D

"That's the weed talking."
The weed you never smoked.

"2008: I was soooooo fucked up."
Back then you had no idea what being fucked up was asswipe.

"Baby I love you so much. You mean the world to me."
Yeah you love me,but not more than a XBox. Get a life or starting living the one you have,off that piece of shit. One day you'll make a wrong move and have only that fucking piece of trash to "love".

I hate people.
So much.
It burns.

Big Mac: The Official Remodel.

First update, you will not be allowed to have a patty under 1/2 inch thick. Don't care how much weight you wanna lose. Wanna lose weight? Don't fucking eat a Big Mac.

Seconds update, more than one slice of god damn cheese. That one slice...that shit ain't funny. Sersiously.

Third update, don't put on more lettuce than there is meat. I paid for a burger not a salad on a bun.

Yeah,this shit is for rizzle and I'ma bitch till they fix it. Wendy's owns you McDonalds....THEY OWN YOU!

The Foul Stench of a Liar's Breath

Sir you do no justice for me,
Your lies and hatred are all you need.
I never once did turn my back,
But mine you eyed with a sharpened knife.
We had a bond like a strong sibling tie,
But you based it all on sickly lies.
I do know now how to break a bond,
Push the liar out and keep your head held strong.
I need not look back and feel anger.
I know my place and here I am no stranger.
We may meet later on life's path,
But towards you I will stray no further.
We're parting ways here you vile twisted twit,
Maybe when you perish and I stand ever lasting,
You will realize the mistakes made by your snake forked tongue.