Asshole cock sucker mother fucker.

My boyfriend was a royal DICK yesterday. I was sick,sick as hell. For you to understand how sick,I have to tell you the symptoms. I was cramping horribly,I kept feeling like I had to throw up and eventually did,if I stood up I could barely walk. I was going to pass out and eventually did. Jake woke me up and I felt better. But the entire time I was like that,what did he do? Annoy the piss out of me to take him to air up a god damn tire. A TIRE. I was laying there,in the worst pain imaginable and not able to move an inch without getting even more fucked up,and he wants me to drive him to air up a fucking TIRE. And not a car tire,a BICYCLE TIRE. I'm not perfect,but that's straight up bullshit. BULL FUCKING SHIT.

Heh,yeah.

Like everyone I know is getting pregnant,married or both. I don't want a baby,nor do I want to be married within the next 3-4 years. But for some reason I like the idea of knowing that maybe Jake would want to marry me. Not now,but one day. And not want to because I want him to. But because HE wants ME to be HIS wife. I'd like to know he wants me to be Mrs. Jake McKinney one day. But I know how he feels on marriage. To him,it's bullshit. But to me it's really not. BUT HEY. I can't get everything.

Afterlife?

I'm not a Christian,nor do I truly believe that I'll go anywhere once I die. I think I'll just be dead. There's nothing after death but being gone. But sometimes,sometimes I just like to imagine that when I do die,I live in a permanent dream that is exactly what I wanted life to be. My dream for my after life,would be this. I would die and wake up,16 years old. I'd walk outside and get into my car. I'd drive for half an hour or more to Jake's house. Once I got there,I wouldn't have to knock,or anything. He'd walk right out and straight to me. The whole time he'd be walking towards me,we'd both be smiling. As soon as he was close enough,he'd grab me and pull me close. He'd kiss me with all the love in the world and we'd both still be smiling. And once we pulled back out of the kiss,he'd tell me he loves me and we'd just walk off holding each other. I'd dream every day we'd be together,we'd be there together loving each other and knowing our lives were perfect. We'd be living that beautiful,peaceful existence together,in love. That's what I'd like for my afterlife to be like.

Welp.

Jake and I are back together. Kinda shocking to me. I never imagined this would happen. But it did. I'm quite happy about it. I mean,this guy was the first to be a real boyfriend to me. He cared about me,he loved me and he would fight for me. Anytime he heard a guy even looked at me like he wanted me,he was ready to kill. That should be bad,but at least I know he wasn't ready to lose me to someone else. But I guess we'll see how this goes guys.

In Need Of A New Light

I have come to the final conclusion that I,yes me,am a horse fucked piece of shit. I have the ability to hurt people and make the world sadder. But honestly,I don't give a fuck anymore. People can hate me until the world ends and it wouldn't change a thing about me or how I feel. I'm perfectly content being the worst thing to ever exist.

Whatever.

There comes a time in every person's life when they just don't give a fuck. Well folks,I just don't give a fuck now. I'm tired of my friends,tired of my exes and tired of my family. I can't take in anymore. This never ending crap that is dealing with everyone else's problems instead of my own. Like that's how I want to live my life. Dealing with YOUR problems when I NEED to deal with my OWN. Yeah,okay. What the fuck ever. I am SO not doing that shit. You do your shit and leave me to my own,kay thanks. BUH BYE. And my exes,they can eat shit. I'm sick of them all. They start redundant bullshit and I could care less if they dropped dead. I'm just sick of everything. Goodbye and good fucking night.

My Crazy Ass Dream

I'm sitting in this semitruck, not a clue as to why. I'm just sitting here with my favorite Jason Aldean CD playing. My Kinda Party is blasting and I'm waiting for someone to come back. I don't remember who, I just remember waking up and thinking about how he needs to hurry up. Just as Jason Aldean is about to say he's chilling with some Skynard and some Old Hank, the driver's side door opens up. It's some man, looks to be about thirty. He smiles and naturally I smiled back.
"You ready to load up and head out lil' miss," he says.
"You know I am Tommy boy." I replied with a smirk that could melt any man's face off.
Tommy, I can only assume that's his name, fires up the truck and pulls out of the station. We're heading to only God knows where and my heart rate is going off the charts. Why, why am I so excited? For all I know I'm in a truck with a rapist and my face is glowing, literally radiating with excitement.
The next few hours are a bit blurry to me, I vaguely remember singing with this Tommy man and blasting every country CD I have on me. My face just keeps brightening up as we get closer to our destination. Finally Tommy turns to me and grins from ear to ear.
"Well sweetheart, this is our stop."
I turn my head to look out the window and I see the Kentucky Speedway. I'm about to piss all over myself. I can feel my bladder getting ready to burst for how excited I am.
"Oh hell Tommy, you think Junior is ready for this?" I ask, only a trace of doubt cross my voice.
"Sweetheart, you told him the layout of this track from the moment we left Daytona, he is good as gold as long as he takes your advice."
"I sure hope he does. Oh shit Tommy...you don't think that...HE will be here?"
Hold the phone, who is HE? When the fuck did I meet a HE? Actually, how the fuck did I get here? I'm lost,so very lost.
"If he is here, you can handle it. He doesn't have to control your movements just because you two broke up."
"I'm trusting you on this Tommy boy, now take me into the garage so I can get my seat pass from Junior."
Tommy pulled the semi into the garage area, after I drove the car and the back up into the garage I gracefully took my seat pass and headed towards to the grand stands where the look outs were. I saw some old friends and some others who hated my guts, that much I knew because of the facial expressions each gave me. The whole time I stood up here I felt that feeling like something was about to happen. When I heard the gate to the look out post open and slam shut, I knew what was happening.
The room grew quiet, insanely quiet at that. I felt eyes staring at me, and staring at him. I couldn't look at him, I knew I couldn't. My body wouldn't let me. I just pulled out my binoculars and watched the boys line up on pit road. Just hoping, just waiting.
Then,that warm feeling you get when someone just sat beside you covered my entire body. I knew it was coming, he was there.
"Hey...I missed you..."
I turned my head and saw him. Jake McKinney.

And then I woke up.

Damn crazy dreams. Never fall asleep earlier than you should kiddies. You dream your a NASCAR look out and your ex boyfriend is still in love with you.