Blog: December 19, 2009

Today started out as a pretty boring blah day. I woke up and freaked cuz I passed out on the computer and Skyelar didn't call. I was like man whatta faggg. ): But then I ate and felted better. About 10:30 he finally got on and messaged me. I read it and three words in there just made. My. Day. He goes on about needing a ride to a show then I see at the end "well...i love you and i guess ill see you later. =]" I love you,NEVER SAW THAT ONE COMING.
:)
-Zeli

Insanity Gone Modern

Modern trends gone cold in years to follow,
Teased hair and skin tight jeans no longer a fashion.
Individuality lost within time,
People choosing to be others,
Who forgot who they were trying to be.
No one knows who started all trends,
But we all know a trend must end.
So I must ask,
Who really starts these trends?
Like wearing converses,
Owning everything in Holister,
Or even just drinking a coke?
We the world may knew once,
But now we will never know.

Desperation

I've never felt so hollow,
So burnt out and desperate.
Nothing feels close,
Like I can't even touch my face.
I could never describe,
The pain I'm left with.
Now that he's left and gone,
I can never began to try,
To feel the urge to cry,
It's like he took it all with him.
Please my angel come back to me,
Give me back your heart,
Or atleast give back mine,
No matter how shattered or torn,
I need it now...
I need to weep,
I need to feel,
I need to love.

Try To Remember Me

Think of me when your world is crashing,
Think of how I'd hold you so tightly,
Think of how, think of how much I love you.
When everything's falling and it all hurts,
Think of how we can always make it work.
When you're just so young,
Just so young like us.
Nothing can be fixed but somehow we manage,
When love is all we know and falling is so painful.
Now look back and try to remember,
Think of those times we can always treasure,
The love that we had that never could die,
And how we'll never be able to say good bye...

Dedication To Perfection

Small yet worth while price,
Killing my fear with every passing moment.
Losing myself ever so slowly,
Everything is clearer now that I see.
Leave nothing behind but take nothing with me,
All I need is in you.
Rest now, it's the rest of forever starting.

A Unrequented Love

Stupid facets of the illicit truth,
Destroyed emotions by idiotic means.
What's this world coming to when we seek to hate?
When all we do is try to oblitherate?
I tell you what sir, I can tell you now,
The sake of survival,
Humanity will be put down.
It matters not who is more kind hearted,
Or those with the greatest will,
Cheap tricks and lies will always win.
Never turn your back on someone you love,
They're the first to strike with the knife.
Always rethink the words of the vixens,
They can lure you in,
Cheap promises and wasted words of fancy.
My dear, I fear...you lost a while back.
In this world I teach and I preach,
I tell of your kind,
The ones with pretty words,
Beautiful masks and worthless promises.
I'll rid the world of you,
I will...destroy your kind.
Good night,good bye,
I will hold my word forever true.

A Undenyably Numb Situation

Do you hear my pleas?
Can you hear the screams?
I couldn't say you do.
The look you hold says innocence.
My mind knows better,
I know your twisted wrong doings,
Your sick onslaught on society.
You taste like venom,
Sickly bitter and numbing as you linger.
Never a person to be easily left,
You're like the sweetest drug,
The strongest high I could ever have.
Such a pain to fool with,
But such a thrill when I get the reward.
You're nothing like I ever though,
Nothing like I ever wanted.
You're perfect in your own ways...
Yet deadly in the worst.
We can never try you twice,
Once gets us hooked,
Twice gets us buried,
Buried deep...
Six feet under.

Incomplete Dominance

Cold hands touch my back,
Soft as velvet and pressure they lack.
The smell of flowers and cigarettes,
Smoking Mary and popping Sam.
The feel of freedom and the speed of sound,
The ease of music,
The soft moistened ground.
What's this ecstasy?
I'm so blessed it's mine.
I feel this feeling,
It's so utterly profound.
I wonder one thing,
One thing I know.
Who gave me this,
And where did they go?
Gratitude fills my heart,
And I must thank them for their part.
They gave me life,
They gave me you.
Oh joy of joys dear,
I'm complete.
With you...yes I am complete.

The Memoir Of A Lost Child

Is it even possible to be heartless but loving?
Is it capable to be a lover but hateful?
Why does this world curse us the wicked?
To walk alone and gain these weaknesses.
What have I done to earn such hatred?
To shine my dark light and show no kindness.
I've not known a soul as dismantled as mine,
One that holds no grudges,
But can shout dislike so loud.
I've never crossed a soul quite like mine,
Since I was born lost,
Scared,
And alone.

Fifty-thousand murders counted

Senseless words and false hopes,
Little quirks and idiotic dreams,
Useless thoughts and broken hearts.
Things that burn,
Things that hurt,
Things that kill,
Things that work.
The mind altered is a scary place,
Mentally abused in the worst ways.
I constantly misguide myself in twenty directions,
Leading myself away from my ultimate selection.
Truth hides behind my eyes,
False hopes behind my lies.
I never stray far from the distraction,
But I never forget my main intention.
I have but one goal in my senseless life,
Move on and away before this battle is lost.
I've not won yet I've not been defeated,
Lord save my soul,
I'm left here mistreated.

For Panduh!

Davey saw Jade in a gay bar and made a poem about his thoughts on what he saw. :)

That huge masterpiece,
So round and tight.
How I'd love to fuck it once,
Or maybe all night.
If only I could but see his face,
Oh my god...
JADE GET OUTTA THIS PLACE!

Shelby's Poem

Twisting shapes of red and blue,
Flying skulls spattered in blood.
Signs of rebellion grace the walls,
Screams of agony fill the halls.
The smoke clears and leaves sweet air,
I left the house with not a care.
The trees are changing,moving with haste,
This is certainly not a day to waste.
I see the sun as it rises his head,
His smile so warm and bright,
He is surely a friend.
The road turns to water and the cars flow down,
Down the stream that leads into town.
I see the lights,
The colors so vast.
I can see Father Time as he strolls right on past.
This new world so vivid and clear,
There's not a sight old to see or a sound familar to hear.
The signs of peace forever near,
This my friend is where I'll be,
For now,
Forever here.

Adam's Poem

Sharp suit,
Black tie.
Money flying,
People die.
Land of the free,
You all laughed at me.
I told you once,
I told you twice,
Now you all are crying out.
Oh savior, come back and help!
We've lost our way,
Sam has let us slip.
I call you out,
I care no more.
I hope you all rot,
You're sure to be mourned.

Indecison,injustice...illformed life.

Winds can howl,
Seas can rage.
It'll all end the same,
When the stars and heaven fall.
We cry the crimson tears of blood,
We'll watch the forests burn to dust.
Our rivers will run until they are dry,
Our animals will be killed until not one is alive.
We'll run the only ones we need away,
Our torture is inscribed,permanent...it will stay.
We've all but dug our grave,

An Internal Reassurance

Your life is over in the blink of an eye,
Sweet darkness shadows your soul.
Fear and anguish rip at your mind,
You know it's coming,
It's coming all the time.
The sweat breaks as your tears do roll,
You're dying now,
You're slipping more.
What can we do to save what's left?
Nothing aside from praying,oh praying.
We'll bow down on our knees and shout our wish,
That you won't die...
It's all too for gone now,
I knew it was true.
That God you loved,
Never could save you.

Random Bloggity

I've come to realize I lay my heart out on the line a lot. Not like oh yeah I give my heart to guys I date, but to everyone in general. All of my friends have my heart. I'm not a heartless whore who only saves it for some retarded guy who wouldn't appreciate it for over a month. No,I'm not that girl. But I did give my heart to three guys...each completely destroyed it. Zach,we didn't start out as friends,well not straight out good friends. We liked each other. I liked him...a lot. A lot more than he ever understood. And then when he dated Briana instead of me I was crushed. He's also hurt me a lot just as best friends. =/ But I still love him like my brother. I always will. Sam just...god you all know that. I was his summer bitch in 2008. He dated me for the summer,and everytime he's had a chance to date me during school it's just never happened. He's a bitch,enough said. Timmy...well Timmy was the only guy I thought I could ever say I really am in love with him... To this day I still say I was in love with him...sadly I feel like I still am. =/ But if I am it doesn't mean I'm going to dare go back down that road of hurt like I did before. He hurt me a good 50 times...he's not getting triple digits.
But yeah...I needed to rant.
I should throw in there that this awesome kid named Skyelar makes me happy like a beast. Just saying just saying. ;)

Wh Don't You Tell Me Why

As the stars do fall,
We swear we knew it all.
We were just so young,
It had all just begun.
Everything was brand new,
And we didn't have a clue.
But now we know,y
And going back is where we go.
We're still living in the past,
Because nothing can ever last.
There's just one thing I would do,
I'd go back in time for you.

Just Perish

Perish,
Take your lies,
Take your fakeness,
Take it all.
Take it and perish.
You're trash,
You're lower than the worms,
You're scum.
Perish.
We need you no more,
We want you no more,
You're filth,
Just perish.

We're burning down Neverland.

Today amazed my socks off. :) At first the morning seemed dull and gay,then Skyelar came up behind me,bear hugged me and just carried me away. Even though he was a dick and dropped me in front of a girl who had no clue who the fuck I was,it still made me happy. :D
And even though I sit in the front god damn row in Spanish now I can make jokes about Miss DeCarlo right in front of her, LULZ! And I got the best partner for book work evurrrr. Faithhhh. :DD

-Elizabeth

An actual blog. :)

So I've been thinking about things I actually want to happen. Some are kinda oh wow that's normal,some are kinda what in the hell... but hey,it's what I want to happen. So here I goes.
:)
One thing I really want to happen is one day while I'm so high I can't spell cat without swearing there's a q and a g in the word,I want to call my mom and yell in her ear as she comes home from work, "Bring me home some food BITCH!" and just hang up on her.
I want to be able to go to a movie with my boyfriend and not be able to tell you what the name of the movie even was.
I want to go to school and have 30 people give me a high five for something I did at a party that I can't even remember, well up until the girl with her nose jammed with cotton runs past me scared out of her mind.
I would love to kiss the love of my life in the fucking rain. That's just a given,lmao.
I really want to meet Max Green and give him a heart felt hug. Then tell him that I'm not some crazed fan girl, that because of him and his attitude about my life
I want the absolute most perfect relationship with my best friend,we hang out and act like speds together,he lets me fuckup and do his make up and hair,then he plays Halo 3 with me on Live and we pwn.

I just want somethings I may never have.

To Be Like Me

I fell in love...
Somewhere between being a brat,
Complaining about his ex,
Trying to talk to him,
Somehow becoming his best friend,
Even ending up as his girlfriend,
I fell in love.
And now to you I can say...
It all fell apart.
But to look back...
I'd just take my best friend back.

If Death Made Me Care

Stab my heart,
Slit my throat.
Call me names,
Break my hope.
Do it now,
It's all but over.
You showed me how,
You've won this over.
I'm not to be blamed,
Your just being framed.
Now as you're dying,
And my life is thriving.
You'll tell me that,
You want it back.
What we once had,
Who you once were,
But as you die,
Your life is no longer true.

And To You I Say This...

That ring is real big,
Your face sure is pretty.
That house of yours is old,
And that car's pretty shitty.
What's this say girl?
What, you don't know?
Well I think I should tell you,
That you're just a ho.

Little Boy Blue

Where's the time going?
Why is my life fading?
This is how it ends,
I'll die alone.
I'll live another little while.
To be here for nothing.
It's not as complicated as it seems.
My life is far from over.
But it's going too fast for me to watch.
It's time to hit rewind.
It's time to hit rewind...

The truth...yeah the truth.

This isn't a poem,sorry I just ruined your life.
___________________________________

Cookie - I give you everything I can give and you give me bipolar shit. I love you too,best god damn friend ever.
Adam - You're one bipolar mother fucker. You give me this shitty attitude then change your mood,way to go.
Shelby - You ignore me when MSN doesn't work and act like a fucktard at school? 2 thumbs way up.
Lydia - You haven't fucked up yet, congratulations.
Faith - You're real,I love you for that.<3
Josh - Best fucking friend. End of story.
Gay Josh - You annoy the fuck out of me but I love you.
James - Even though you live so far away, you still mean more to me than life itself.
Skyelar - You're the best person to call or talk to when shit just sucks.
Timmy - We used to be best friends. I want that best friend thing back, we kinda suck at it right now.

I Am Ready This Time

Just because I don't talk doesn't mean I'm not there.
It doesn't mean I'm not listening,
It doesn't mean I don't care.
I'm not the best at showing emotion,
You know my mind is deep like the ocean.
I show myself in more ways than one,
Some just aren't understood once done.
I guess I'm saying I'm not that bad a person,
It just means our friendship can't worsen.

Stage 1: Filtering

First we take to emancipate,
Then we lie to try a ply.
What do you gain for bringing yourself shame?
You're the who I wish to subdue.
I wish to overcome what you try to have redone.
We're no longer ones to ponder.
I have your fate and I know it's what you hate.
Your story sir, it's now a blur.
You I filter in, truth I filter out.

It Is Within Us

It's the work of the weak that brings us all down,
Society cannot function by itself without a united strength.
Those who need to stand must stand,
They must grow the strength within them,
They must prove they are truly strong.
Once they do such then society is at it's finest.
A strong hold and firm held front.
We function.
We live.

Truth In A Bottle

Dive into the abyss,
I have so much to risk.
So little left to hold,
This life is still left to mold.
My heart is sinking,
This puzzle isn't linking.
These events are unreal,
I don't know what I feel.
Nothing is working,
My body keeps jerking.
I must be dying,
From all this conspiring.

Ode To Unfinished Homework

I never stop,
It's hard to drop.
This rushed feeling,
Holds some meaning.
It shows the way,
It's proud to stay.
To keep in mind,
I'm out of time.
I have to hurry,
Or I'll face her fury.

So Sublime And Always On Time

I stopped the world,
I knew it was due.
The things he said,
They never were true.
I felt the hand,
I allowed the pain.
I held nothing back,
Because I had nothing to gain.
I hold it all in,
Everything I ever felt.
But not after this,
Betrayal is my hit.
I will not survive,
But I will live on.
You will know my fury,
Because you are who I bury.

A Thought Never Left Unthought

In the rain as the stars shine bright,
I see the northern window's light.
The moon is trickling down it's rays,
The wind is blowing to make our hairs play.
We stare deep into the night's sky,
Not a single question left to sigh.
We know our place and it's right here,
In thie place we cherish and hold so dear.

A Night Of Repition

The day has dawned and the light is breaking.
I can see the light shining in from the outside.
Into my eyes, so brightly into my eyes.
Maybe it's time now...maybe now is it.
Could I know forever hold true?
Can I now know what to do?
Is it really ever worth so much?
To have the long lasting and awaited touch?
No...I don't believe so.
Tonight I believe it will end the same.
You and her...
And I...alone.

Don't let yourself fade away from me.

Wake up,
Walk out,
Show up,
Knock out,
Get up,
Get out,
Look up,
Let it out,
Go away,
Try to stay,
Hold it in,
Let me in,
Say your thoughts,
Before I die,
Let me in,
Before you fade,
Away.

And at 3 in the morning I'll put this gun down down down.

So life is going better. My life isn't sucking. I own [Prototype] and I play it constantly. Oh,and I realized how damn smart I am. ;) Zach's gonna be running for his moneyyy soon.

-Elizabeth

FMLFMLFML!!

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him! He's in my thoughts,my dreams,my reality! GTFO! God...

- Elizabeth

And you tell me I'm the fool.

Point me to the sky above,I can't get there on my own!
I need someone to take me to heaven,and I found him.
Or so I rediscovered him.
:)

"Oh my god, Elizabeth.

I love you so much.
That made me smile soooo much.
God.
I'm glad we found each other.
You're the most amazing girl I know, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I don't know why I even try to look for another girl.
Every time I try, I always think to myself that you are the only girl I can see in my future.
And honestly, you're the only girl I WANT in my future.
I'm so happy that you don't see me like most people do, as a man whore, or whatever.
I guess I date a lot because I know all the girls I date, its not how it should be.
You're the girl I'm meant to be with.

I just know it.
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you!
I honestly don't think I can ever say that enough.
<33"

You tell me that isn't love and I'll slap you silly.
Timmy,he is so mine forever.<3

Bloggity bloggity bloggity

Have you ever sat there looking at your ex's profile,read about this girl/boy they love so much and then go to said girl/boy's profile and read what they wrote about your ex? I know I have,I still do. And the thoughts that run through my head everytime are...I loved him first,I had him first. And then...for when you can honestly say...I still have him...it just tears my heart out. I feel like everytime he looks at me,smiles at me,talks to me...my heart breaks a little bit more. It just kills me to know the one I love and the one I cherish still loves me,but doesn't want me now. I just hate how much I love him. I hate how much I care for him,I hate how much he means to me. And I hate the fact that he loves me too. I just want to leave and never look back. Go off into the sun and never be seen again. One day I will do just that. One day I will leave him behind in this town,and maybe one day I will come back...to just see how he is. But I won't come back for him. I'll come back to see old friends,visit old places and see how everyone is. But until that day...I guess I'll just have to hurt,to cry,to love and to be loved.

-Elizabeth

So lock and load...

Why does he do this to me? I mean god damn,seriously? Why does he put me through such hell and say he cares about me? Why does he say I'm THE girl and I'm the one he wants for the rest of his life...but then say we should date around until we're mature? I understand what he's getting at,but dating around for him is easy. He can stand seeing me being man handled by guys,but I cannot stand seeing him all over another girl. And it's so damned frustrating. I love him more than anything in this world...but he can't fathom how irritating it is to say nah I love this guy and I wanna be with him,while he does the same with another girl. I can't do it much longer before I say fuck it and stop waiting. >:|

-Elizabeth

Of all the damn things.

I had to let myself...yet again fall back into an old habit. I want to move on,I want to get over him,I want myself back. But I can't have that...as long as we stay friends. I just wish...I'd never fell in love with him like I did. =/

-Elizabeth

My break

Starting last night I told everyone for a week starting to day,I'm on break. I'm distancing myself from people who ignore me so I can see who will crack under pressure and talk to ME first for once,just so they can feel like I do everyday when I think I'm annoying them. I'm just sick of this and I need a release and I am damned well determined to get it. My rules are not starting a conversation with anyone,including my own parents. I refuse to be an idiot,and this week will end my long streak of depression,bipolar moods and making myself sick. :|

-ZeliTheRipper<33

Typical non-conformist

I am so bored. :D Summer is slow,but btw I will not post a lot at all on here,I have no real reason to,I can't bitch about much or say m uch. But...I LIKE PANCAKES! Haha,woo! I dunno. I need a life.
Badly.

-Zeli<33

Let's play a love game.

Summer sucks so far,I'm not gonna lie. I want to do so much more than what I have been,starting with spending time wiht my friends. I wanna hang with Adam and Zach more,but ti seems nearly impossible.
:S
I'm still single,but apparently a lot of guys like me...so I dunno. I'm gonna just wait around I guess,until one of them grows balls and asks me out or something.

-ZeliTheRipper

Fuck love.

Ya know,I sat there thinking for the longest time Timmy was the only guy for me,well fuck that. He never changed and he never will. It's all about him him him and no one else. He can go die for all I care,I'm tired of being his fall back. Never again will I fall for his shit.
I
AM
DONE.

-ZeliTheRipper
And the one and only.
>.<

Oh how I feel,how I feel!

This is entirely for Timmy,and about Timmy.<3 (:

Okay,from the very very very tiny pin pointed start,I'm going to say in not a billion words that all fancy and pretty,I love you. Simple as that,I love you. I don't need thirty five billion words in 35 different languages to sum up how I feel about you,I only need those 3. I-love-you. Simple,but they get the point across,right?
Now that that's established...I guess I should say exactly why I loved you. Well for starters,you are the most amazing guy I have ever met in my 15 and a half years on this planet. I don't think I could ever meet a guy who could make me half as happy as you do on a daily basis. I really don't want to either,because you are the only guy I want,for the rest of my life I hope. Besides the fact that you are amazing beyond all belief,you're seriously the only guy who can make me feel 100% better about myself. Anyone can say,"Elizabeth,you're beautiful." but when you do,I feel that way. I never did before,but now when I hear you say it...I can actually believe it. And I know when you say it,you don't just mean my face is pretty...but you think I'm beautiful inside too. Well...atleast I hope you do,:P
There is not one person on this planet who could change my opnion about you,no one but you. And I doubt even you could. They can say you're terrible,you're cruel,they can say anything in the world,but I know you the way I see you. And that's all that matters to me. So I hope you won't let other people cloud your judgement about me,because you really are the only person who sees the 100% real me. I can't hide anything from you,lie to you,or anything like that. It would kill me to,plus I don't want to have to hide anything from you,ever.
Timmy I really and truly do love you with all of my heart. It's never going to change because you are all I want for positive in my life until I die. I really hope you feel the same about me,because I've gone far past fallen in love with you and I'm probably in way too deep now to think about getting out.
<3

-Zeli<33(timmy)

I`m in love with the dark horizon, I`m in love with madness.

So today I went and saw that gay and stupid Star Trek movie with Timmy,Adam,and Lucas. It seriously was the dumbest movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Timmy will go see Angels & Demons with me next time we go to the movies,since I said I'd watch that piece of shit with him. But anyway,it was still a pretty fun day. Some old fat guy told us to stop having conversations and watch the movies. I was like...bitch...go lose some weight,then talk to me,lmao. But yeah,he was dumb and he should have moved if we bothered him. We had as much right to talk as he did to watch the movie.

-Zeli<33(Timmy)

So break me down if it makes you feel right.

Today was slightly gay,but I think it ended nicely. Timmy was pissy all day,shockingly he didn't take it out on me,lol. Most guys take it out on me,but he DIDN'T! So yeah,woo! I have to work tomorrow night,so I won't get to hang out with him like I had hoped,but that's okay I guess. We can hang out Saturday at the movies. I really hope he can do that,cuz it'd be pretty damn amazing if he can.(:

-Zeli<33(Timmy)

Ha,:)

Damn good thing happened yesterday,I broke up with Sean,and...got Timmy back!He is the best thing that has ever happened to me back,so life is great. I don't regret dating Sean,but I regret letting him cloud my judgment on Timmy,cuz he is so not a bad guy,in fact he's the best. And he's mine yet again,so I'm happy. Blah,here's some mush for you to whine over,=P
So,Timmy is the only guy I have ever let call me babe,or baby,just because when he does it it's so damn cute! I mean,it gives me butterflies,chills,just every feeling possibly. When he looks at me,I have to hold back a smile because he just makes me giddy as hell. When he hugs me,I feel like I'm safe from everything,and nothing or no one can take him from me,ever. I won't let them either,I'll choke them first.
So yeah,I'm done,lol.

-Zeli<33(timmy!!)

There exists a star above that always steals my stare.

Okay,so I'm just updating stuff right here since I haven't posted for a few days. I'm right now preparing to go to bed and sleep some before a totally uneventful Tuesday of testing,which I won't even be testing. I'll be bullshitting. So I'm still with Sean,thank god. I love him way too much to let him go,:D I don't want too many people reading this...but I swear if we make it through high school I want to marry that boy...but if we don't,Max Green,you will live in my pants, got that? Yeah,that's right.

-Zeli<33(sean)

You're everything to me!<3

As of today,at about,eh...8:30,Sean and I have been together one whole month! -claps- I know,it shocked me too that I finally lasted in a relationship a month this year. I wanna aim for two now! :D Cuz then I'd piss my pants from happiness. I get to see him tomorrow night so we can be together and celebrate the month,which should be amazing...well it better be or I'll be pissed >.< Oh well,let's go fuck! :]

-Zeli<33(Sean)

Under the sea!

One month with Sean tomorrow! It's so amazing,yes it is! And I'm extremely happy about it too,cuz he's amazing and now I have the hiccups...damn. I don't care,I'm happy.This is going to be short because I don't feel like typing much,I have a lazy complex today,xD.

-Zeli<33(Sean)

Oh God, God, she's really done it now.

Today was pretty average. I cleaned the dude's house,went to town and got a new straightener. then came home and just sat around. We just cooked a hash brown casserole and I hope it's good,well it better be or I'll be pissed off. I am really hungry though...I haven't eaten since we ate at Arby's today. I can't wait to go to work tomorrow,I'll have cash to spend on going to shows.xD

-Zeli<33(Sean)

I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me...

Tonight was the best night ever in the history of forever! I saw the best band to surface out of redneck land and I got to drink two straight energy drinks. I am in love with Monsters now. I want one as we speak,they taste amazing! I also saw Sean and it upsets me greatly because he takes everything so seriously and freaks over the smallest things. It's annoying. :/ But it's whatever I guess.

-Zeli<33(Sean)

WHAT THE FUCK!!

This is a ranting blog, I guess...

Well,I come to realized I really hate when people say,"Oh,you two are suck a cute couple." Uhm,couldn't you something other than that? Like,say you two look happy together? I'd rather know I look happy with Sean than I look cute with him. It seems a lot better,in my opinion. But hey,it's whatever I guess.lol.I can't really make you change your opinion,but it's what I'd prefer...so say that next time,mmmkay?

-Zeli<33(Sean)

Some say love is not for sinners.

Tonight was amazing, per usual when I'm with Sean. I can't wait until our one month, I seriously can't. It'll be my first relationship to last over a month this school year. It makes me feel all happy and exctied inside lol. Well I don't really have much to say tonight. I guess I'm just tired. Well, I'll leave it at that.

-Zeli<33(Sean)

What's the deal with this pop life?

Today was alright. I missed Sean, here and there. I have these unnatural and weird feelings going on in me. I don't even know what's going on. I'd explain further, but I don't know who all reads my blog. I just know I'm confused and I don't like it. I need some therapy. I really miss dad right now, I'm so used to him being here to bug me all night, but being home alone ends up making me crazy, almost literally. I can't really do much except cook and do stuff like this all night and it gets annoying. Bleh, I dunno, I'm just gonna stop now.

-Zeli<33(Sean)

I mean damn, what's not to adore?

Today was pretty rad, shockingly lol. I cooked muffins, which I hated. They tasted okay, but my group was just a huge group of BITCHES. Talking about how uncomfortable condoms were? I mean seriously...idiots...oh well. I love NeverShoutNever, they are amazing! I like this song called Trouble, it's how my friend Zach feels about Miss Shelby, 100% true, except the not having her part, since he has her. Lol. Oh well.

-Zeli<33(Sean)

Shate it shake it like that girl.

Today is the infamous slow Sunday. I'm home with dad all day and we've done nothing so far. I can't wait till tomorrow. I get to cook blueberry muffins, I'd prefer biscuits but the three dumb whores in my group have to be so god damn picky. A biscuit is something we'd all eat and not bitch about, but they just had to make muffins. I fucking hate them all, especially Stephanie...her and her god damned loud mouth. Fucking whore, she needs to stop lying and get the fuck over herself.

-Zeli<33(Sean)

I don't like China,but China likes me!

Today I went and saw Sean at the movies with Adam and his friend Hunter again. It was pretty much amazing. I had so much fun with Sean, you don't even know. I had my hair all nice and upity, my friend's skirt and I looked decent. We watched Dragonball Evolution...well Adam and Hunter did, Sean and I were uh, distracted. ;) Until Adam opened his mouth. Stupid dough head.

-Zeli<33(Sean)

I try to be delicate and crash right into it.

Nobody's perfect, you live and you learn it! Hannah Montana is one of my new music fetishes. So if you say I'm going with trends, I will sincerely fuck you up. You're just full of yourself you stupid bitch. ^_^ I also would like to say, EVERYONE NEEDS TO JUST GET THE FUCK OVER THEMSELVES AND STOP BEING WHINY LITTLE EMO FUCKS. Mmmkay.

-Zeli<33

And tonight will be the night that I will fall for you...

Ahh!♥♥♥!!! Tonight was the most amazing night of my entire life!!! Hanging with Sean was so amazing...all night we'd just...oh my god I can't even describe how amazing it was. I just know I love him so much and tonight was the best ever. I swear I'm in love with him, if I am then this is the most amazing feeling ever and it is by far the best i have felt in a long...long time.

-Zeli<33(Sean)

Into a place where thoughts can bloom...

Lalala, I don't know. Today is a rambling post I do suppose. I'm just going to say whatever pops into my head. I gave Timmy a piece of pie, the fork he ate it with was used to scratch Michael's balls and ass, he still ate with it knowing that's what it'd been used for...freak. Oh well. I got on and Sean was on, messaged him and he got off. My thoughts were...DICK. Made me so mad...again...oh well. I get to see him tomorrow night so I'm just fine with that xD I get's to hug him, and kiss him, and just be around him. That makes everything better, much much better. For me anyway.

-Zeli<33

Scream, till you feel it!

Bonding with Timmy, seeing Shelby look like a zombie, eating breakfast for lunch?! WHAT THE HELL IS UP?! Yeah, my day is fucking weird. I miss Sean, my blackberry is boring and I want some damn fudge, not really...but I want something tastey. Hopefully tomorrow has better food and better moods. My make up is shitty, my hair is wet and I miss my fucking zune and its in the next room.

GOD I NEED HELP!

-Zeli<33

Cuz it's nine in the afternoon!

So today I went to eat in London, Shiloh's. n.n I had crab legs, salad and some nice rolls. I want to make honey butter now, thanks a fucking lot Shiloh! Well Sean called, and we're good now. Atleast he cares to call and clear things up unlike other guys. I really an getting tired of idiots lying to me and trying to break me and him up...it's getting annoying...but oh well. Wednesday I shall see my babe again! :D I fucking love him so much, I swear. Well for today I will do nothing, as usual. I really need to do this science homework, but I don't know what to do...so I'll wing it. Ah well, toodles. ^_^

-Zeli<33

See the colors of the rainbow.

Today was fairly gay and fairly awesome. I did go see the Hannah Montana movie, but not with Sean like I'd hoped. Next time we talk he's getting an earful, stupid dough head. Oh well. I still had fun with Adam there lol. He wind milled so much and so did Lucas and Michael. After the movie went off Pam and I dirty danced to the credit music. We started a mosh pit and all kinds of crazy stuff. Over all it was pretty rad. I would have enjoyed it times more if Sean had been there. :/

-Zeli<33>

I don't want to be the girl who laughs the loudest.

I got to talk to Sean today!! Made my day amazing lol. I haven't talked to him on the computer or phone since Saturday, but I got to see him last night, but it still made me super giddy and happy. I swear I love that boy more than anything xD Oh well, on with my day. It started out where I was really bitchy, got happy and then I was decent to Timmy. But oh my god, fucking...girl I will not name...well girls, have been bugging the living shit out of me. Talking all the time, hitting me and acting like it'll kill them if I don't listen to them for five seconds. it is getting on my nerves. But anyway, I got home, logged in, around 7 or 8, Sean logged in and I was doped up I swear. I kept laughing and acting stupid. Everytime he says I love you or I miss you, I swear my heart beats faster and my eyes sparkle or some shit. But hey, young love is the best, right?

-Zeli<33

Don't let it fool you about what's inside.

Today was by far interesting, Michael is intent on sticking a bottle in my butt and apparently Timmy is going to help, like hell he is. Hopefully I do get to go to church because I really really really really want to see Sean tonight. It's been like 4 or 5 days and I can't stand it! it absolutely sucks balls. I mean when I dated Aaron I never saw him and I do mean never and we dated for like 3 weeks. Pretty gay huh? I know. I won't let this be like that, I will see him atleast once, maybe twice a week. Hopefully more.

-Zeli<33

No one knows how I feel.

Today was just a severely blah day. I flicked Michael so now I'm waiting for him to shove that two liter pop bottle up my ass sideways, which is going to happen at church of all places. And he thinks he's going to actually do it...-_- Good luck buddy. I have a new morning routine, I walk Sam to his locker and we walk to the library together...yeah, I'm asking to get struck by lightening. In all honesty, I'm not cheating on Sean, cuz Sam and I don't do anything that would mean more than friends...but it sure as hell feels like it. Ah, oh well. This will all blow over soon I do hope. I would like my life to range in the normal section for a couple of months from now on.

-Zeli<33

I can't stay on your morphine cuz it's making me itch.

Ahem, 'scuse me, can I say one thing, real quick here? *coughs to clear throat properly* Will you nosy little cunt fucks please shut the hell up and stay the hell out of my business! Thanks, I feel better now. And to explain that, let me go into a short, yet detailed explaination. Today I had someone bug me about Sean cheating on me, for the third possible time this last week or two, to verify how I feel, I don't believe them. I am doing this whole benefit of the doubt thing, hoping it works for me. If not, then it's Sean's loss not mine. Everyone who has been with me knows I am too much to lose, so if they lost me, they must suck royally. If I give you a second chance, which I gave Sean, then you must have some meaning to me. So be grateful, cuz I must really like you. :) I more than like Sean, I love him...I really do and this shit is driving me crazy, so please stop. Let me deal with my problems instead of having you guys do it for me. Much thanks.

-Zeli<33

Send Me On My Way

Don't you just hate that undoubtly horrible feeling you have while you wait for the person you absolutely adore the most to get their ass online? I know I do. I can't stand waiting for Sean to log in just once a damn day. I miss him all the time, I can't wait to see him when i know we're supposed to hang out at some point or sometime. i hate it more when we can hang out and his fag friends make him ignore me, like fucking Timmy. I know what church will be like Wenesday and I can already tell you Timmy will fucking fail. I always win when it comes to Sean. ^_^

-Zeli<33

Love was easy!

I went to the movies with my friend Adam, his friend Jordan and Sean. :D Best day ever!! Sean amazed me, he was doing exactly what my perfect guy would do. Hold me, make me laugh, and kiss me right when I wanted to be. So I think I'm going to keep him around for as long as ever lovingly possible. Sam is being a dick about me saying I love Sean, but he has no room to talk. He loved me after about 2 days, so he's a dumbass. Oh well. Life is amazing, so is Sean! :D

-Zeli<33

Just Like A Pill

Today is going to be another lazy day. I'm making my Saturday night plans, which will involve Sean and a movie. Sounds better than dinner and a movie if you ask me lol. I hope he doesn't try to make me go see that stupid Connecticut haunting piece of shit movie. I'd stab myself before I even considered going to see it. I will gladly see anything but THAT. I hate with a bloody passion any and all horror movies. I want to shockingly...go see the Hannah Montana movie, just to see how cliche it is. I mean come on, famous pop star chooses fame over a pig farm, with what else of couse, ROMANCE. Piece of shit and typical for a Hannah Montana project. I'd rather hang with her dad for 12 hours playing with pigs in the pig hole.

-Zeli<33

Suga suga how you get so fly?

So today was my lazy day. Monday should have been, but I was out and about way too much for that to be lazy. So today I mainly lounged around and did nothing. So far I've watched Happily Never After, amazing movie by the way :D, and I'm watching Super Size Me, which I am loving so far as well. Tomorrow should be another lazy day, just a tad bit more active. Then Saturday I'll go clean that guys house, get my money and hopefully go to the movies then. If not I'll go to the dollar store and get ten dollars to put on my phone, who knows which I'll do. Right now I'm feeling extra giggly and happy, no clue why. I can't wait to see Sean, just got that happy go lucky love struck girl feeling going on right now. Who knows how long that's going to last. Ahh, well I think I'm done for now. Toodles!

-Zeli<33

I got some popcicles in the freezer...mmmmmmmm...

Today I was hoping to go to the mall with Adam, Sean and Stephanie, but it didn't work out too well. I really miss Sean, like...more than anything. =/ It feels weird to say this, since I usually make fun of people who say this, but I feel so much better about Sean than I did anyone I ever dated. I feel sure of him, like I can actually count on him. He's treating me better, he actually cares about me and he's not rushing me or anything. It's like we're in our own little world going at our own pace and I absolutely love it. I can't wait to see him again, hopefully Saturday. =]

- Zeli<33

So what's the craziest thing you've done lately?

Day two in this week of spring break. ^_^ Today should involve going to eat and hanging with Adam at the local redneck super store, Wal-Mart! Which reminds me, Lydia and I have plans to make our own redneck only super store. Honkies - R - Us! Where you can go and get thirty different kinds of beers, free shot gun cleanings and get married in the back by a guy who is dressed up like Johnny Cash. Sounds like heaven on earth doesn't it? I hope to see you all there when we have this lovely little piece of heaven set up and running!

- Zeli<33

Spring Break!

It is officially the first Monday of Spring Break. I am going to try to post a blog each day until Sunday, but I can't make any promises. Today is going to be just me in and out doing whatever I can. Tomorrow will hopefully be a bit warmer than today and I can get dad out and on the lake so we can fish and such. Wednesday, well I'll think of something to replace church ^_^. I'd like to do the movies this weekend, or find some show to go to. I can't wait for April 24th! 25 days now baby. My favorite band from around here is going to be playing at Wise Guy's, LAST SECOND OF (fucking) SILENCE!!! =D Should be e-e-e-epic!!! And hopefully I won't have to sit by dough head while he makes out with his new girlfriend, who looks like his sister >XP. Instead it should be Sean =] instead. That kid is more amazing, and he's my boyfriend now. ^_^
So I'm going to end this now, lol. Toodles!

-Zeli<33

School suh-cks. I hate it.

Okay not really but still, xD. I love the mornings and lunch now so AMAZINGLY much. =] Not gonna say why though. That's business for later. But at lunch today, Lydia and I were flipping through her Psycology book, when we found psychosexual. She said it means you don't want to have sex or something like that, later on the bus I told Mark, who was there when we saw it, no wonder they called it pyschosexual. I mean seriously, you doesn't want to have sex or sexual activites. It's amazing xD. Oh and as a newly created atheist, I have my own personal saying. I say fuck Christianity and fuck my virginity! Don't like, don't care. =P
Too-dels.

Church

I've recently stopped believing in the so called higher being, seems utterly stupid if you ask me. But I do go to this church, why you ask? No fucking clue. I have to have something to do to unbore myself on these slow and stupid school nights. Oh, and, I likves me some new boysss.

-Zeli =D

So yeah

Me and the dough head broke up Saturday night. Sucks for him cuz I like his best friend, the guy he hates nearly the most, an old crush and one of his other best friends. Sucks worse, I could easily get three out of the four. Think I will too. Cuz his best friends, is hot and they're nice guys. =]

It's so wrong.

Bleh. I feel like poopy. Everyone is so depressing it seems. The only person who can make me happy by just being near me anymore is Timmy. When he's not around I seem to just go down hill and get messed up and sad. I need a quick fix for this. No drugs. I refuse. I need a good, easy distraction. I think I'll take up ballet...or professional cake eating. They sound like fun. Hmm, I wanna hang with Timmy...I miss him a lot right now. Well, I want to hang out with just him and not his friends. So Josh, Michael, everyone else, let me spend some time with my boyfriend alone. You guys are seriously starting to piss me off. Everytime I get around him and think oh yeah, finally I get to talk to him, here comes one of you freaks and ruin it all for me. So thanks. Back off now. I want like five minutes with him sometime. Soon preferably.

I'll knock you out and buy you a ticket for that ghost train.

If it isn't obvious, then I'll make it obvious. Fuck you. I'm so tired of you whiny cock munches bitching about how sad your life it is. People have sadder lives. Suck it up and get over it. If you're all emo and bitchy because Tommy left you, then too bloody effing bad. He obviously didn't care for you that much and it would never have worked out in the first place. And you people who try to screw your boyfriend/girlfriend because you're "in love" need to be spooned fiercely with a spork. I would love to see you actually be in love when you say this, otherwise you're half crazy.
Yes I know I might sound hypocritical by posting this, but I'm not doing any of what I said up there, am I? I've been dumped and I just shrugged and moved on. And I certainly wouldn't fuck a guy even if we were in love. That's a marriage thing, keep it that way.


BTW: I love you Timmy. This is to let you know you're always on my mind babe. =]

Instant Karma D:

I know what you might be thinking, oh no oh no oh no! Did Timmy and her break up, considering my blog title seems so upset, let's see...hmm..no. We're still together and stronger than ever might I add. Okay, I'll make this a my life that's not revolved around Timmy blog, after I scream I AM IN LOVE WITH TIMMYYY!!!

Okay, I'm good. So for the last week or two life's been pretty great. Zach and I are friends again, not the best but we'll manage. Lydia and I are closer. I'm getting good grades in Math and Science =D Oh, did I mention I have a new friend! Mr. Lucas! He's pretty darn rad. Even if he tries to get in my pants ;) Let's see, what else...I have a twitter now. www.twitter.com/ZetaZeli Go follow me! I'll follow you back I do suppose. Hmm, I'm wanting to go see the new Madea movie, it seems pretty great. I already saw Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Best ever! I'll go see it again soon.
So I guess that's it for now. Toodles!!

P.S...I LOVE TIMMY!! =D

This feeling makes my heart beat faster and my head spin faster.<3

Timmy, I can't believe how happy you have made me in the little time we've been together. We love each other so much and it feels wrong to even imagine myself with anyone but you. You are the reason my heart speeds up in the mornings and the reason I get so dizzy and out of it when you kiss me and we go our seperate ways for the day. Anyone can tell you, when you get near me, my eyes light up, my smile grows bigger and I just lose myself completely. You're just the best thing ever and I am so luck to have you. I love you now more than anything and I want to stay with you forever. You're probably the love of my life and I know it's the best thing on this planet.

Timmy<33

You know I love you if I give you your own little blog post on my personal blog. So yeah, here I go.
Timmyyy, know why I love you? Well, you're way more amazing than you give yourself credit for. You make me smile all the time. You know how to make me laugh and you always make me feel special. I never thought we'd have our chance, but here we are...finally together and it feels more right than anything in the world. You kept me waiting and I did give up...but you showed me you did want to be with me and you did want to stay commited, so here we are. Finally together and very happy. Nothing is going to tear us apart, I won't let it. I love you wayyy too much to let anyone take you from me.
I LOVE YOU TIMMY!!<333

It feels so right. <3

Mmm, I love how life is going right now. I had a fight with Zach, he was being a dick no matter what anyone says. I've been talking to a few new people, one's proving to be a very good friend who I can trust a lot. =] Some 'old' friends are coming back into my friend light and showing me I can trust them like I used too. Plus I have found not one, but two boys I can see myself dating later on. ;] One I like quite a lot, the other I like just enough. But hey, what can ya do? Teenagers will like one kid more than the next.

Listen up cuz this is not the end.

Today has been a literal hell. Brandon started a fight with me and hit me and shit, then mom acts like he can't help it. Well that's bull shit. He ever does this again I'll...I dunno...I'll fucking press charges or some shit. But I can't take it.

About everything sucks, ya know?

Just been having one of those off days, ya know? Everything starts out too good, and ends real shitty. I can't keep my head high long enough to see the sky anymore. Shit makes me sadder each passing day. Some of the things I never wanted to happen, just fucking happen. I really wish I could make life go my way all the time, but I'm stuck with this fifty-fifty shit. So just...I dunno, I'll just say fuck it, throw my hands up and walk away, cuz trying is a waste of time and wasting my breath of it is a waste of this life I got.

Please don't worry, I am doing fine.

So far, life doesn't suck.
Today I woke up at 5:30 and watched the rest of the Inauguration of Barack Obama.
EPIC! =D
I went to school, had to hug Timothy in the library.
I don't have to take the KY county seat test until Monday.
AND...I'm getting out of Art and into Life Skills.
Plus, I LOVE MAX GREEN!!!

The Things I See

I'll bet that half of you couldn't see things that would scare a 35 year old college professor. I'll bet half of you don't see things you'd only see in horror movies. Well, I do, but only when I close my eyes right before I fall asleep. I see these monsters and crap that movie directors would kill to have in their horror movies. I see different kind of monsters. Last night I saw one that was green, it's skin melting from it's face and it had these hideous yellow/green teeth. It was making weir dnoises and screamed when it skin completely melted. That kinda stuff would keep anyone up all night, but to be honest, I've seen worse.